How I realized I was over Star Wars completely

[Ran]

A friend sent me this link. It is pretty much exactly how I feel, down to rooting for a crappy sports team.
http://updates.gawker.com/post/34669507 ... t-of-being

I grew up with the Star Wars trilogy and I count myself among the millions of people who have disavowed the prequel trilogy, accused George Lucas of childhood rape (LEGITIMATE CHILDHOOD RAPE), and cursed Lucasfilm for cunningly blending the original trilogy and prequel characters together in virtually all Star Wars children’s merchandise. I couldn’t keep my children from those fucking Jar Jar movies if I tried. BECAUSE GEORGE LUCAS IS A BEARDED SHIT DEMON WHO WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY.

And now this. I don’t think I’m alone in dreading the idea of paying another goddamn red cent for a Star Wars movie ticket after Lucas made three terrible movies and went back to monkeyfart with the older, better ones, ruining them in the process (They are no longer magic now that the yub yub song is gone! I demand they be as awe-inspiring as when I saw them at four years old!).

But deep down, I already know I’m gonna see every shitty, horrible Star Wars movie that Disney pumps out. It’s like rooting for a sports team that never wins anything (or more accurately, a sports team that won three titles thirty years ago and hasn’t won a game since). The fact that the franchise is under new ownership doesn’t change my blind, stupid loyalty. You always come crawling back, and you hate yourself for it every time. I hate the fact that Lucas got to cash out to the tune of $4 billion after supposedly guarding his precious Star Wars storyline so closely. I hate that he sold it to a company that has already scheduled a new movie without even bothering to work on things like, I dunno, a plot. And I REALLY fucking hate the idea of someone not named Harrison Ford playing Han Solo. Some asshole at Disney is gonna greenlight Taylor Lautner as Han and then the Internet will die. There are so many things that can go wrong with this coming trilogy that it’s hard to imagine it not being completely fucked, just another horrible dilution of a once beloved pop culture artifact, like the past ten seasons of “The Simpsons.”

And yet, I’m going to sit here like a rube for the next three years and privately hope that somehow—despite all evidence to the contrary and despite the fact that no movie can ever equal the milestone movie moments of your childhood—this thing turns out to be awesome. After all, Lucas’ grubby little fingers won’t be on this new edition of Star Wars. The brilliance of the original trilogy is that Lucas ceded screenwriting and directorial control to other people for the final two thirds of it. Nerdy Internet nerds were praying he’d do the same for the prequels, only to watch as he micromanaged them into a pile of half-animated dogshit.


Now the series is finally free from Lucas’ ambling, simplistic vision. The names “Abrams” and “Whedon” have and will be tossed out five billion times in the next year or so, with the idea that there’s someone out there who adores the original trilogy and has the creative force to bring the new movies up to that impossible standard. But then again, who the fuck wants that job? Money aside, who wants to sit there for three years working feverishly on a movie that they know everyone will see just so they can shit all over it? It would probably be easier for Disney to hire some random asshole and base the new trilogy off of one of those Star Wars novels that are beloved only by strange, horrible people. The whole idea of Luke Skywalker running some Jedi Academy makes my asshole itch.

But still, I’m gonna be there. I’m gonna be there on opening night with all the aggressive nerds wearing costumes and anticipating this seventh Star Wars with balled fists, praying for the best but ready to be outraged that we got something far less. I feel like such a jackass for getting sucked into all this again. But it’ll happen. We can’t help it. That’s why George Lucas just walked off with four billion to spend on sail barges and Slave Leia hookers. Fucking Lucas.

-Drew

I haven't seen the Ewok movies since I was a kid and don't remember much them....other than the fact that I thought they sucked. But to put that into perspective, I thought E.T. sucked. Come to think of it, I still think it sucked.

[Diabolical]

I couldn't get past the first paragraph of that tripe. Typical internet troll bullshit.

Don't like it? THEN DON'T FUCKING SUPPORT IT!
It really is that simple.

Anyway, I wrote this up and posted it elsewhere (no, not that elsewhere), so I'll just copy/paste rather than try to say it all again.

I love Star Wars. I have always loved Star Wars. I have been a fan since before I can remember. I absolutely love the original trilogy and I even like the prequel trilogy. I’ll even go so far as to defend Jar Jar Binks.

Sidenote: And no, George Lucas never “raped your childhood.” Growing up and your overwhelming expectations did that. Talk to a child today and you’ll see that most of them prefer Episodes I-III because that is their Star Wars. They saw those films in theaters and loved them as much as we loved the originals. End sidenote.

But the last few years have seen a slow, but steady decline in my enthusiasm for anything new in the world of Star Wars, and I think I can attribute much of that because I knew there was no more “real” Star Wars to look forward to after Revenge of the Sith was released back in 2005.

I’ve never been a big fan of the Expanded Universe. I’ve read several of the books over the years and they generally bore me and never capture the “feel” of Star Wars (except Shadows of the Empire - I’ve read it several times and love it every time). The "Zahn Trilogy" is a decent read but vastly overrated, IMO.

The comics were decent for a while, but never really held my attention for long.

I wouldn’t exactly consider myself a gamer anymore, especially when it comes to MMOPRGs (not my cup of tea), but I do have and love my PS3. The last Star Wars game I bought was The Force Unleashed 2 and never finished it.

I am completely unimpressed by The Clone Wars - from the animation style to the storytelling, it is just not the show I wanted and hoped for (Ahsoka and Cade Bane are two of the worst things to ever happen to Star Wars). What I wanted was the heroic adventures of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi during the Clone Wars.

This announcement of George Lucas selling Lucasfilm to Disney seems to have come as shock to everyone (myself included), but should it have? Lucas has long talked about training others how to make Star Wars (and has done so with guys like Dave Filoni). He recently (earlier this year) announced that he planned on stepping down from the worlds of Star Wars and Lucasfilm to focus on the smaller movies he’s wanted to make for years, but hasn’t had the opportunity due to his overwhelming Star Wars commitments. Lucas has had a long partnership with Disney, with Star Tours and Star Wars Weekends and such, so it only made sense that he would hand Star Wars off to the House of Mouse. Disney has done this sort of thing before when buying Marvel, The Muppets and (reacquiring) Pixar, all of which have turned out amazingly well for them, so I have no doubt that Star Wars is in good hands.

It will be interesting to watch as it unfolds. Star Wars Episode VII in less than 3 years seems rather rushed, but it also sounds like much of this is already in the early stages of planning.

My biggest questions lie with the the state of things like the forever gestating live-action Star Wars tv show and Indiana Jones.

And what about Willow and Howard the Duck? (kidding)

If anything I see this as Star Wars gaining a new lease on life. People always have and always will love Star Wars, but it seemed to be fading from the general public consciousness. Disney plans on keeping this franchise alive and with the right people behind new films anything is possible. Just imagine the talent that would kill to write/direct a new Star Wars film!

Although…it will be incredibly sad to see Episode VII and not have that 20th Century Fox fanfare play before “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…”.

[anarky]

You might be joking about Willow, but I'd love to see them disavow those shitty novels and do a proper sequel. Unfortunately, I think everyone's too damned old now. I don't want to see a fatass Madmartigan.

As much as I like the EU overall (I'd say "love," but I love what I love, and then the rest is shit, so, averaging it all out, I can't go stronger than "like"), I almost think it'd be better to just start with a clean slate. Well, not completely clean. Keep the six main movies, the Ewok movies (seriously, they're quite good for what they are, which are kids' movies), the CG Clone Wars series and movie, and The Force Unleashed. Maybe Shadows of the Empire and the prequel tie-in novels (Shadow Hunter, Cloak of Deception, The Approaching Storm, Labyrinth of Evil, Dark Lord, and Darth Plagueis), since they filled in the blanks. It looks like the new Star Wars ongoing comic is kinda doing this already, in the same way Clone Wars and Force Unleashed have (seriously, reconcile Clone Wars with the previous comics and novels and your head will fucking explode, and try to find a place for Starkiller in the old EU that doesn't contradict multiple other stories). Possibly keep the Zahn novels (too many to list at this point, since the ongoing tale of Thrawn seems to play into every book he writes) and the old Han Solo novels (as well as the Lando novels, Splinter of the Mind's Eye, and, hell, even the Holiday Special, which doesn't really have too much plot to contradict anything). All the awesome is gone, but all the shit is gone, too. And the slate is mostly clean for new films. In other words, we get new shit (Clone Wars), but we get new awesome as well (Episodes VII+).

I'm not crazy about ditching the EU. But the existing EU ends up in utter shit (much as I'm ambivalent about Clone Wars, Legacy is tripe that's not worthy of the SW banner and makes Clone Wars look like fucking Batman: The Animated Series). This way, it would start weak (TPM) and wind up potentially fucking awesome (with the new stuff).

[Tom Foolery]

Trying to shoehorn a new Trilogy into the existing, exhausting EU would put such a creative shackle anything they did.
Coming up with an original story that only acknowledges Episodes I-VI (and doesn't outright contradict earlier lore books like Plagueis, etc) is the way to go. There's way too much convoluted shit clogging up the Mythos at this point. Trying to reconcile it all while making a new Trilogy would be a maddening exercise in futility.

The reason comics and books don't capture people attentions like the films is because at its heart, the SW story is best told by color and motion. Fast moving starships, whirling bright lightsabers, lasers, etc.
Comics are static images. Novels are mere prose. It's just not the same.

[Rollo Tornassi]

In my world, there was only one Star Wars movie. And it tanked hard. So it always amuses me to see how big a tizzy it throws everybody into.

It would be like if you went to a world where there were six movies, hundreds of books, thousands of comics, millions of toys and merchandise, and billions of fans all yammering on about a mythology based on Pete's Dragon.

Can you imagine how absurd you all sound getting worked up about Pete's Dragon? That's how I feel.

[vynsane]

my thoroughly thought out and intensely proof-read response to that Gawker post:

[Ran]

I read it as "I love the first 3, hated the last 3, and I'll see the next 3 hoping they don't suck"

[vynsane]

I read it as "I love the first 3, hated the last 3, and I'll see the next 3 hoping they don't suck"

yeah. if only it were boiled down to that by the editor. we could have all saved some time reading that rambling pile of manure shaped into too many words. the whole "raped my childhood" thing is so over-used it's getting tiresome. but this:

praying for the best but ready to be outraged that we got something far less

is the kicker. he's already ready to be outraged. not praying for the best but cautiously optimistic, not praying for the best but steeling himself for disappointment. he's ready to be outraged. i read that as "i will be outraged by this basically no matter what."

[anarky]

I'm surprised he was able to keep his composure to write that the way he did, without jumping to all-caps and raging about how the rivers of Earth will run with cleansing vinegar, and how he fucking hates that Sheryl Crow bitch.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

As much as I like the EU overall (I'd say "love," but I love what I love, and then the rest is shit, so, averaging it all out, I can't go stronger than "like"), I almost think it'd be better to just start with a clean slate. Well, not completely clean. Keep the six main movies, the Ewok movies (seriously, they're quite good for what they are, which are kids' movies), the CG Clone Wars series and movie, and The Force Unleashed. Maybe Shadows of the Empire and the prequel tie-in novels (Shadow Hunter, Cloak of Deception, The Approaching Storm, Labyrinth of Evil, Dark Lord, and Darth Plagueis), since they filled in the blanks. It looks like the new Star Wars ongoing comic is kinda doing this already, in the same way Clone Wars and Force Unleashed have (seriously, reconcile Clone Wars with the previous comics and novels and your head will fucking explode, and try to find a place for Starkiller in the old EU that doesn't contradict multiple other stories). Possibly keep the Zahn novels (too many to list at this point, since the ongoing tale of Thrawn seems to play into every book he writes) and the old Han Solo novels (as well as the Lando novels, Splinter of the Mind's Eye, and, hell, even the Holiday Special, which doesn't really have too much plot to contradict anything). All the awesome is gone, but all the shit is gone, too. And the slate is mostly clean for new films. In other words, we get new shit (Clone Wars), but we get new awesome as well (Episodes VII+).

I'm not crazy about ditching the EU. But the existing EU ends up in utter shit (much as I'm ambivalent about Clone Wars, Legacy is tripe that's not worthy of the SW banner and makes Clone Wars look like fucking Batman: The Animated Series). This way, it would start weak (TPM) and wind up potentially fucking awesome (with the new stuff).

I think they'll keep doing what they've always done, with keeping the different media at different levels of canon. The movies and TCW supersede the books and games, the newer comics supersede the older comics, all that sort of thing. But even though things contradict each other here and there, or take place in different ways in different media, everything can still, for the most part, exist in the same universe (with some fudging and retconning, to be sure). But it does sound like the new trilogy will ignore most of the EU, but maybe take some things here and there, similar to how the prequels worked (keeping Coruscant but changing Boba's backstory, etc.). So for all we know, Mara Jade and Thrawn could be running around the place, but I wouldn't count on it. All the new trilogy will be going on is the six films and The Clone Wars, since those are George's. I assume Leland Chee and future EU authors will be working to make it all fit, but still keep the current continuity ranking system.

[jjreason]

They will try to cater to too many people & not satisfy anyone. I called it first.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

Some of the vitriol I've seen is pretty fuckin' funny. It might be like the opposite of what happened before the prequels - this time, people's expectations will be so low that they might actually end up liking the movies.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I found an old Wizard magazine that had a "breakdown" of the Prequels wayyy before they came out and laughed at how far off the mark all their predictions were.

I look forward to similar misguided predictions for the next Trilogy.

[anarky]

All the new trilogy will be going on is the six films and The Clone Wars, since those are George's.

That's kinda what I was thinking, but the Ewok movies were both George's babies, and Darth Plagueis supposedly was actually based on his notes and done with his direct input. I'd definitely at least include those in the mix.

[Senor JabbaJohnL]

All the new trilogy will be going on is the six films and The Clone Wars, since those are George's.

That's kinda what I was thinking, but the Ewok movies were both George's babies, and Darth Plagueis supposedly was actually based on his notes and done with his direct input. I'd definitely at least include those in the mix.

Listening to interviews with James Luceno about Plagueis (I think I heard it on the Forcecast), George didn't have that much input on the book. George said that Plagueis could be a Muun, but things like having him around during TPM were Luceno's ideas, so it was very basic stuff from George. It seems he had a pretty high level of involvement with The Force Unleashed, and I can't be sure but I assume that even that wasn't nearly as much as the movies and show. Since the Ewok movies haven't been really referenced in much other media, or marketed beyond the DVD releases nine years ago, I assume they won't really factor into the new trilogy. I think someone like Asajj Ventress has a higher chance of appearing than Noa Briqualon, is all. (Then again, his struggle against Sith lord Dia B'eetus could be quite compelling . . .)

I'm sure there will be EU nods here and there, like Aayla Secura going from the comics to the films, or how TCW takes various elements from the EU and changes them in some way to fit the story (or uses EU locations but doesn't touch the stories that happened there, like with the recent Onderon arc). It's just that people expecting straight-up adaptations of the Thrawn trilogy or Yuuzhan Vong invasion are going to be disappointed. I spoke to my friend today who's close to me in terms of the level of fandom (at least of the films themselves), and he was apprehensive about them taking from the EU since he doesn't like it at all - I certainly don't want fucking winged rancors or a hundred Sith who stole Darth Maul's makeup kit.

On the subject of the Sith, I hope they honor the fact that Anakin was the Chosen One and he destroyed the Sith over Endor. Buuuuut I would be open to the idea of them having the Sith similarly how they're doing it with Darth Maul in TCW right now - someone who steps up thinking he's hot shit and causing trouble for a while. There needs to be a credible villain, but nothing that makes Palpatine or Vader look like small-time punks.