Great Flantdigs in history

[Ran]

Daryl (1963-1990) and Jim Flantdig (1961-1990), (Oxford, Wisconsin)

After a three day drinking binge, brothers Daryl and Jim drove from Oxford, Wisconsin to Arkansas for the sole purpose of stealing a donkey. Bored with just having the mule around the apartment, the pair got drunk (again), and rode 128 miles from Oxford to a country and western bar in downtown Milwaukee. The duo rode the mule into the bar while firing a gun in the air. The brothers were trampled by the mob trying to escape the club.

[anarky]

Kanye Flantdig (1977-present, United States)

Kanye Flantdig is the only Flantdig who has won a Grammy Award, for what little that's worth. He continues to record and say inappropriately stupid things, though he is best known by his stage name, Kanye West.

Incidentally, Kanye is every bit as much an inbred white cracker as his family, but he wears blackface because he thinks black people look funny.

[anarky]

Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus Flantdigius (AKA Caligula, 12-41, Ancient Rome)

Guy was a total douche who spent most of his time fucking his uncle and sisters. His uncle loved the way he sucked cock so much, he appointed him to be his heir as Roman Emperor, and hilarity ensued. Initially popular, he became the bane of the Empire when he began forcing the wives of senators into state-sponsored prostitution, abusing women seemingly at random so as to report on their prowess to their powerless husbands, declared himself a god and demanded to be worshiped, and spray-painted "God dam it smels gay in hear!" on nearly every building in Rome. He was finally killed so that his half-retarded (other) uncle, Claudius, who suffered from some serious condition which caused him to limp and be nearly unable to speak intelligibly, could take over as Emperor. Despite his shortcomings, and that his wife held "fuck-off" contests with local prostitutes and killed dozens of people for no reason whenever he was away fighting the British tribes, Claudius was generally seen to be a major improvement.

Caligula's wife was killed shortly after Caligula himself was killed, and his daughter was believed to have died as well. However, she was so incredibly fucking ugly, the Roman soldiers actually killed the family poodle (whom Caligula called his "favorite four-legged sperm receptacle") and left her alive, reasoning the uglier of the two must be the dog and not responsible for its own actions. His daughter, Drusilla the younger, survived, and all living Flantdigs can trace their lineage directly to her and all the various four-legged animals she became impregnated by.

[Ran]

Unkoh (circa 790,002 BC, northern Africa)

Though his pivotal role in human evolution has been lost to the sands of time, Unkoh, the first known primitive man to bear the Flantdig gene, invented fire. He discovered this when he buggered his great-uncle's crusty old ass without the use of any lubricant, and the friction this caused quickly ignited the dried shit stains on his great-uncle's ass. Sadly, Unkoh was burned in the resulting blaze, and it was up to the other members of his tribe to formulate a way to harness fire (after discovering that Unkoh's cooked corpse tasted better than raw human flesh).

It wasn't for another 17,000 years that primitive man realized that he could get fire much more easily by hitting two rocks together.

Recently discovered cave paintings have shed more light on the life of Unkoh. Evidence shows he invented fire three years earlier than previously thought. After he invented fire the first time, he pissed on it and put it out. He tried every day for three years to replicate the incident before successfully starting the fire that lead to his demise.

Also of note, it appears Unkoh's son, Oomph, is the first person to put their tongue on another human's asshole. He got the idea when he saw a saber-toothed tiger licking himself. Oomph tried for several days before his uncle allowed him to lick his.

[Ran]

Winston B. Flantdig (1887-1926, New York City)

Winston is best known for surviving the sinking of the Titantic. When the ship struck the iceberg, he was in his cabin having sex with an inflatable doll. He floated to safety after the ship broke in half. Winston passed away after a tragic accident while dancing the Charleston in 1926.

[anarky]

Rush Flantdig (1951-present)

Better known by his stage name, Limbaugh (a flantdigian misspelling of limbo, a word he is fond of since he loves to see how low he can go), Rush is a master at being an ass in public. His radio show is especially popular with the extended Flantdig clan, none of whom can master any technology more advanced than a radio. He consistently insults every member of humanity who doesn't agree with his views, which are remarkably narrow and so far to the right of the political spectrum that "anyone who doesn't agree" includes roughly 99.9753% of Americans (though many who don't fully agree listen and don't realize he is insulting them as well). Some believe his woman-hating tirades are merely for show, but the truth is probably far, far more gay than they suspect.

[Ran]

I'm sure it has been brought up before, but is it possible that Rush Limbaugh wants Obama to win because it is better for his radio show?

[Ran]

A.J. Flantdig, television news anchor

A.J. used to, um, being, you know, from the in, East Coast. After graduating from West Virginia University and spending time on CE North Dakota News, A.J. was hired by an NBC affiliate in Bismark, North Dakota. The first thing he said on his first broadcast was "Gay fucking shit." This promptly ended A.J.'s television career, but made him an internet sensation.

[Tom Foolery]

A.J. Flantdig, television news anchor

A.J. used to, um, being, you know, from the in, East Coast. After graduating from West Virginia University and spending time on CE North Dakota News, A.J. was hired by an NBC affiliate in Bismark, North Dakota. The first thing he said on his first broadcast was "Gay fucking shit." This promptly ended A.J.'s television career, but made him an internet sensation.

Ha! I nearly cried I was laughing so hard when I saw that jackass.