GIJoe

[anarky]

Dr Venom was a really fucking lousy repaint of some figure, released only as a club exclusive. He came in a reissue (of sorts) of the "Adventure Team," meaning he, no shit, came with four Joe Coltons.

I've got a custom one that needs paint. He's not 100% accurate to the traditional version, but I like him. Especially at about 1/10th the price.

Kwinn/Dr Venom would be a real no-brainer as a comic pack.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I just looked up Star Viper. He died in a Special Missions issue. That's why I didn't remember. I got the SM books much later(I'm still missing a few actually) and read them in a lump sitting, so they're not ingrained in my head like the main book, which I would read over and over as a kid.

[anarky]

I think he was being a douche to the Rattler pilots since he was "better," and, when he got full of himself and toying with one of the Joes (Dogfight? Slipstream?), they shot him down and the Rattlers essentially refused to help him out, right?

There were a couple of those aerial stories that boiled down to "don't be an asshole." I know there's also one where the Cobra pilots treat their ground crew like shit, and the Joes are clearly friends with theirs, so the Joes win a dogfight despite being outclassed because the Cobra ground crew didn't give a shit about filling up the planes, and then the rescue teams are in no hurry to save the Cobras, so it's implied they get eaten by sharks.

[anarky]

Speaking of GIJoe, did anarky ever find out who the new Cobra Commander is, so we can discuss it?

I've gotten behind on reading the IDW stuff (holy shit, I realized I have eight books of Classic to read, counting SM and YB), and am only caught up on reading the new ARAH series (as far as it's in paperback, at least). Cobra: Cobra Civil War Vol. 2 came a week or so ago, and I'm about to get into some major marathon reading. I should know for sure within 24 hours.

I saw "for sure" because I know five candidates it ain't (Tomax, Storm Shadow, Serpentor, Baroness, and Major Bludd--I'm using spoiler tags in case Ran wants to get to this continuity eventually). (Fuck it if Serpentor and Storm Shadow were supposedly not candidates in an official sense.) I think I accidentally read a line in one of the books where Bludd made a comment that he'd have won if not for Krake's stunt, so I'm guessing he's the new one. Which would be slightly disappointing, it would've been ballsier for IDW to have let it be, oh, any of the established characters.

The numbering on these really pisses me off. With three series at any time, jumping back and forth, it's already confusing to keep them in order without the constant re-booting of the numbering.

BTW, was it ever firmly established if Hearts & Minds is officially canon in the IDW-verse? It seemed to contradict an awful lot of other stuff. Still trying to figure out how Bludd maintained a wife and family that he kept in the dark while running a fucking gulag in Siberia. "Honey, I'm off to work. Be back in about nine months or so."

[anarky]

Marathon half-finished.

Tomax and this Khalahalahalahalahadingdang didn't last very long in the contest.

It seems bloody obvious that this "Oda Satori" is Zartan in disguise. (And his name is Hama-esque levels of cheese, if you know even the slightest bit of Japanese language and history. I'm not going to claim to be an expert, but even I groaned. His given name is "enlightenment," and his family name is the name of the shogun responsible for wiping out most of the ninjas.) I'll be far more impressed if this is a well-done red herring.

Given the fact that the Cobra High Command, whoever the hell that may actually be, is going to judge by the body count, why the hell didn't Zartan fucking kill Dusty and the two cooks? Would've gotten him three more points. Duh.

Khalahaahalawhatthefuckever is trying awfully hard to get one guy. Don't matter how badass he is. He's still just one fucking point. Sure, you took out Ninja Force, six points. Why not use the obviously fucking badass Slice and Dice to wack a few dozen non-ninja Joes?

Speaking of Ninja Force, major fucking continuity fart. They died in camo, a few wearing headgear that resembled their vintage counterparts. But in the flashback, they had full-on vintage outfits, neon colors and all. Does IDW have editors? Even simply re-coloring them in green would've worked; that's done on computer now and would've taken minutes, at most.

Glad Khalawhocares died quickly. That fucker was lame. "Here's my master plan to get one fucking point in this contest." I know I harped on this already, but, damn, if you've got someone that stupid, give him a name like, I dunno, Emir Benzheen so we feel like there's some connection to the original and maybe we probably should like him.

Ooooh, Dice is alive. Meh. I don't know what's dumber, leaving those two punk ass pussy ninjas in their bright vintage costumes while updating instant-cannon-fodder Ninja Force, making those two punk ass pussy ninjas into badass superninjas, or having them take out six "lesser ninjas" only to go out in minutes against one guy. (I dug the look of Slice & Dice way back when. The characters, not so much. And they seemed kinda putzy in the original.)

I. Fucking. Hate. Helix. Nice design, fucking moronic superhero character.

Can you tell which book is my least favorite? I've always liked Dixon's writing, but Snake Eyes is the worst I've read by him, barely passable by Joe standards. Alpine and Iceberg were pretty cool, but, otherwise, the title fell flat. The interactions with Scarlett were painful. Snake Eyes does not text "C U Ltr."

Would be cool if they picked lots of incredibly minor Cobras and made them be High Command.

I have to wonder how Mad Monk is going to play into this. He's clearly not a throwaway character.

How the fuck does the Joe team have dedicated cooks? They make a comment about the security Joe (can't remember his name--that's how important he was) being assigned KP, which seems weird, since, really, how would soldiers in such an elite unit be fucking up and having to be disciplined? But both had food-related codenames (Hash and I don't recall the other guy, but something like Tater). Were there two cooks in the army who were so good at making food that Hawk sought them out and faked their deaths so they could... make hamburgers?

Speaking of food, there's a certain big guy who loves to do that. What's his deal? He's called Heavy Duty, then, suddenly, he's Roadblock. Was there a line I missed about "I like 'Roadblock' better"?

Not a big fan of the way it seems like the Cobras are almost taking turns. It doesn't feel like a free-for-all among the Cobras, with the Joes on the run, even with the Pit being destroyed. This had serious potential to be one of the most epic Joe stories ever from any continuity, and it's just shaping up to be some of Dixon's weakest work. The Joe title doesn't compare to the mediocrity of Snake Eyes, though.

Of the books I read this evening, Cobra Vol. 4 was the best by far. Even with his limited appearances, Cobra Commander I was well-developed, and his death carried more weight than all the Joe deaths combined. I don't say that because he's the most important bad guy. We got to know him. Couldn't tell you fuck-all about "Sandcrab." Of course, any character in the Cobra title is better-defined than any character in the other titles.

[anarky]

Also, thinking on it a bit, the "Lome Scale" is clearly flawed, or the rankings aren't as concrete as Dr. Horvath thought. He repeatedly stresses that he's "only a four," yet he sets into place a means to take out an eight. If the scale is as accurate as he believes, he'd be unable to do this.

[anarky]

So it's the dude who showed up right before the crossover and has never shown his face. Real creative, guys.

He showed up once before the Mad Monk story, right, where all he did was call in an evac for his Viper team? We've just replaced one faceless guy with no past for another. At least the original Cobra Commander was, well, original, with the turtleneck and the complete behind-the-scenes mastermind bit and all, not going near a battlefield at all. Krake looks like, well, Retaliation Cobra Commander. And I'm sure he'll lead just like Resolute Cobra Commander or some of the more brutal stories with the Marvel Cobra Commander.

I would've killed to see Bludd or Destro as the new leader. What was up with Destro? The end of the final issue of GIJoe in the Cobra Civil War arc shows him teleporting, apparently shocked that he's still in his containment suit, but I don't remember anything leading up to that.

I still have Snake Eyes and Cobra to read through (dreading Snake Eyes, to be honest--worst ARAH Joe title not published by Devil's Due), and hopefully my question will be answered in Cobra, but what the fuck is with the judging? There were seven to start with (Baroness, Bludd, Tomax, Oda (BTW, the montage cover should say "Oda" and not "Satori" because Japanese names are reversed), Vargas, Krake, and Khalimawillruletheworld). The Council says two were killed, and one eliminated due to incompetence (Baroness, though, really, how is not realizing a guy is going to fucking hand-shoot a nuke at you "incompetence"?). And there are three left (Krake, Bludd, and Satori/Zartan--I'll admit, I didn't see how his impersonation was going to play out). I know already Mr. K is dead. I'm assuming Vargas is dead, since he's some other dude I don't think we saw before this arc. So, uh, did they totally forget Tomax? Last I saw of him, he was escaping prison.

Krake won because he killed "countless" Joes and controlled "Satori" to destroy the Pit, despite his having absolutely no way to know this contest was coming. I still think, even with the mid-story change from "highest body count" to "most damage to the Joes," Bludd was a fuckton more effective.

IDW Bludd is fucking awesome. I hope he skullfucks Krake to death when the Mad Monk story plays out in the way they've telegraphed.

Wasn't awful, but the story was a real disappointment. Cobra is the real standout of the titles still, and, sadly, it's going to go bye-bye soon.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

That's what I thought. This is guy is a total Cipher.
But the Cobra 2012 Annual gave him a solid origin, so you'll appreciate him more after you read it. And actions speak volumes and he's been pretty badass in this last story arc.

[anarky]

Let me guess: fucking brutal and willing to kill his own men to keep the others in line?

[anarky]

Just saying, new guy or not, we should've met him earlier. For him to just show up and suddenly be Cobra Commander is a bit anticlimactic.

Of course, we should've met everyone who was in the running long ago. There was no reason to root for Vargas, Satori, or Mr. K, and the only reason to root for Krake was that he had a cool suit.

That said, I want a Krake figure.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Well, after SouthEast Asian drug peddlers killed his mother, he infiltrated their cartel, rose to the top, then 'scorched earth' the whole fucking organization. Then he got reconstructive surgery and made the surgeon and his assistant look like a murder/suicide.
Then after he became CC, he went back and ENDED the entire country he was born in. He drove every inhabitant out of the country and then nuked it sufficiently so that no one can come back.
So. Hardcore.

[anarky]

I'm not saying he didn't wind up cool. Just that we should've known something about him (and the other three new guys) before Cobra Civil War. Everyone's going to root for a "toyed" character. Getting fan support for more of them would've been cool.

Of course, if I were running it, I'd have had Cobra go underground for several months first. Then have the contest last longer and really promote the hell out of each candidate.

Having given this thought, the combination of having the Mad Monk story appear right before CCW for no reason except obvious foreshadowing, as well as the exchange between Bludd and Serpentor, makes me wonder if Krake might not last too long. I'd love to see Monk as Cobra Commander, particularly if, even as Commander, he can't find out where his family is.

[jjreason]

Chux, I must admit when I was reading the Amazing Cobra Commander Race I was a bit non-plussed about it being a new character also & wanted to be all "rolls eyes* and whatnot. I had a hard time though - as EP says, he's pretty nasty.

[Ran]

I think he was being a douche to the Rattler pilots since he was "better," and, when he got full of himself and toying with one of the Joes (Dogfight? Slipstream?), they shot him down and the Rattlers essentially refused to help him out, right?

There were a couple of those aerial stories that boiled down to "don't be an asshole." I know there's also one where the Cobra pilots treat their ground crew like shit, and the Joes are clearly friends with theirs, so the Joes win a dogfight despite being outclassed because the Cobra ground crew didn't give a shit about filling up the planes, and then the rescue teams are in no hurry to save the Cobras, so it's implied they get eaten by sharks.

Just looking through the few comics I own. It turns out one of them is the GI Joe Special Missions where he dies. The ground crew screwed him over.

[anarky]

Classic GIJoe is missing a page or two, and they're important. It cuts from the Battle Bunker blowing up the HISS 2 tank to Hawk mobilizing the full Joe team.

In other words, it cuts out the awesome final showdown between Duke and the SAW Viper, where, even as pissed as he is, Duke can't bring himself to kill an unarmed Cobra in cold blood. Damn. Like I said, an important sequence (especially as, given how it flows in the paperbacks, we see Duke's team blow up the SAW Viper's ride, then Hawk sending the team to Benzheen, and then Cobra Commander and the SAW Viper both arriving in Benzheen nearly simultaneously). Too bad. The image of the SAW Viper (I can't bring myself to call him Skelton in the actual Marvel run) laughing at Duke for having a backbone is classic.

Anyway, as you maybe can tell, I've been kinda gunning through the Classic paperbacks. I'm still rather behind (and it's tough to stop reading and pick up again, since everything's familiar). I'd forgotten how important Wild Card and Muskrat remained long after their figures faded away. I'd forgotten how Bludd just showed up again, after not being seen for four years, and then vanished again (his mission to kill Snake Eyes in Borovia is his final appearance in the series, right?).

Most of all, I'd forgotten how damned good the run from about #84 (IIRC--the issue that ties Zartan into the Snake Eyes/Storm Shadow origin) up through Destro: Search and Destroy was. Sure, I knew it was good. But this stretch is on par with any other stretch in the book's history.

Can't remember: do we see Marina again? Her story is remarkably powerful, given how minor she is.I know Josh (?) is the guy Snake Eyes is writing to in #155. Any of the other extended Collins clan show up?