What's up with the pathetic remakes of shit

[Caligula]

Someone doth need to remake that "shit" that doth be the 1979 pice of carp biopic abovt yovrs trvly.

[Rollo Tornassi]

What are you blabbering about? Joel Schumacher remade A Clockwork Orange in 1997. David Faustino played you. Mel Gibson played Patrick Magee.

[anarky]

David Faustino as Caligula (and somehow worked into A Clockwork Orange), directed by Joel Schumacher?

Rollo Tornassi, your world fucking rules.

Did William Shatner play the previous Roman emperor, James Tiberius?

[Rollo Tornassi]

What? Oh I thought we were talking about Senator Malcolm McDowell.

[anarky]

I thought that was Roddy. Didn't Malcolm end his political career as a California state representative following the scandal when it was discovered that he wasn't taking money from lobbyists?

[Rollo Tornassi]

Did you mean Dr. Roderick McDowell, the NASA engineer who developed the rocket that went to Mars? Every town in America has a Raymond J. Teller Jr High or Penn Gillette High School in it because they were the first Astronauts to set foot on Martian soil.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

I won't judge them as "pathetic" without seeing either of them, I just wanted to point out that yet again, Hollywood is releasing competing movies with similar themes. It's Armageddon/Deep Impact, Dante's Peak/Volcano, etc etc all over again. This time it's competing Snow White movies.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

So they're 'remaking' Total Recall, right? Except they aren't basing it on the original short story 'We can remember it for you Wholesale' and they're not really basing it on the Verheiden/Ahnuld film either.


So...why the fuck are they calling it Total Recall?

Behold. The trailer. It looks okay. But I still don't see the need to remake it.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Adam Sandler wants to remake Summer School. Did I miss something? Is there a great clamor for Summer School to be updated/rebooted? And is there a great clamor for Sandler to appear onscreen ever again?

[Ran]

If I remember correctly, we may have walked out of the theater before Summer School ended. According to IMDB, Mark Harmon was also in Wyatt Earp. So, I'm going to assume all Mark Harmon movies suck.

Adam Sandler movies make a tone of money, but from what I understand, all of his recent movies have sucked.

By remaking a movie that is known to suck, they save the time and money they would have spent on writing a new shitty movie.

And you're right. The new Total Recall doesn't look bad, but I probably wasn't necessary.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Warner Bros is pushing ahead with Lobo.
And so DC adds another flop to their film resume. Joining such delightful steaming piles as Steel, Catwoman, Jonah Hex, and Green Lantern. It's as if Warner Bros HATES their IP goldmine.

[anarky]

Payne's PG-13 script reportedly followed Lobo as he pursued four fugitives to Earth, where he partnered with a teenaged girl to stop them. Whether any of that will remain in Peyton's rewrite is, naturally, unknown at this point.

Jesus, God, no.

"PG-13" and "Lobo" do not belong in the same article. Teenage girl? WTF?

Sad thing is, Lobo could be a truly fucking epic movie, done right. Maybe use The Last Czarnian as the basis. That and the Paramilitary Christmas Special are the best 'Bo ever produced.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

When you say Paramilitary Christmas Special, I assume you refer to the original comic, and not the Student Film with Andrew Brynarsky.

[anarky]

I was unaware of such a film. I'm talking about the classic Giffen/Bisley comic book.

"The naughty got what was coming to them. And the nice? They learned what it means to be an innocent victim."

"Rudolph, guide my sleigh or I'll fraggin' blow you away."

Quotes are probably off a bit, but, shit, that's one of the funniest comic books ever made. EVER.

Lobo's Back was awesome as hell, too, but the story of Lobo going back and forth between Heaven and Hell and getting reincarnated as a woman and a squirrel would never work... at least until the sequel.

Too bad the original Lobo (okay, not "original original," since he'd wear an orange jumpsuit) would NEVER be adapted into a faithful film. Too un-PC.

[RoIIo Tomassi]

Don't criticize it too harshly. For a student film with a shoestring budget, it ain't bad. Probably better than the shite WB will come up with.